Those Dirty Little Secrets...

You know the ones that I am talking about. The secrets that we keep hidden in the depths of our soul. The secrets that we pretend don't exist. The secrets that we lie about and would never say out loud for fear that they might be true. You know those secrets if you are a woman. Some of them are silly, some of them are sound, some are down right horrible, and others we don't think about them much less speak of them. Well, recently we have begun to watch Moment of Truth on TV and I have to say I would love to go on the show. Not because I think I can get to the top, no I don't even want to get to 100 thousand dollars. Nope I just want to answer enough to get to 25 thousand and say thank you Mark and walk away. I always think about what kind of questions they could ask, I mean they can't ask anything about you before you turned 18, but then again I wasn't so bad before 18. I had my moments, but knowing that the college years or even the recent years are fair game leave me a little uneasy. I mean some of the questions that these people answer are just way more than I could say. I mean they ask those questions that the answers fall into the category of I do not want to say this out loud. I mean the way people hurt their families and end relationships is insane and all to make money. We always sit amazed at how little it takes for some to ruin a relationship or hurt a mother. How without even thinking they sit on national TV and say things about themselves. No I would never go on that show, even though the questions aren't so hard to get $25,000. I just couldn't risk my life and me the way those people do.

But it does get you wondering about the little things in life that we keep hidden. You know, those dirty little secrets. I mean Eric knows all there is to know about me when it come to things that I have done. But, how much does he know about how I really feel about life. Or even worse what about the secrets that we lie about so that no one really knows how we feel. Simple things that really don't matter, we just get into the routine of saying this or that and it's just not really what we feel. I wonder after digging what kind of questions would the show come up with and how would I answer them. I mean would I answer them honestly? Maybe what I thought was the truth wouldn't really be the truth. I mean that's kind of scary. So I have thought and thought about the questions that they would ask, I mean some of them are just questions that they ask of all married people on the show so I just assume they would ask me and others are things that I assume they will dig up when they interrogate my family and friends. So here are the questions, not the answers. Sorry, if you want the answers you will have to wait and see if I ever get the courage up to try out for the show.

Have you ever been attracted to another man since you met Eric? Have you ever regretted getting married so young? Have you ever regretted having your children so quickly after getting married? Have you ever felt like your miscarriages were your fault? Do you ever feel guilty that Kolby has Hemophilia? Have you ever done something with an other man since you met Eric that would upset him? Do you regret not finishing college before you got married? Do you want to have more children? Do you have the relationship with your mother that you want to have? Do you feel like you are a disappointment to your parents? Do you ever feel like Eric deserves someone better than yourself? Do you feel things were left unsaid before your grandmother died? Do you feel guilty that you didn't spend more time with your great-grandparents before they died? Do you feel that you are a good mother? Do you feel like Eric is still attracted to you? Do you believe that your husband would cheat on you?

Those are just some of the questions that I really wonder if I could answer honestly and if what I thought was honest would really be honest. It's an interesting exercise in self knowledge. I have actually thought of making a book of questions and answers that I go though and answer completely and honestly. I mean when we look deep down into our souls for the honest answer, we can often find it, even if it is not the answer that we like. I always think the one benefit from the show is that people have things out in the open, so no matter how screwed up things are at least it is out there and now they can work on it and move forward with it. I mean how many people lose someone that they love and they wish they had said this or they wish they had said that and now they can't. At least these people have the option of working things out and getting things said. Not a bad thing at all. Enough rambling for today.